Nonsensical oneshots
by Ebony umbreon
Summary: title says it all. Suggestions welcome but no yaoi, I mean it. Generally I will try to play these for humour as that's what I think I'm best at, but if you want something serious, then either tell me or I will make an assumption depending on the topic of the one-shot. I only update when I have no inspiration for anything else.
1. Jay's fanfic

**I have many regrets... and one of them is telling Jay what a fanfiction is...**

Jay sat typing furiously away at the small computer when Kai walked past him holding a cup of coffee. Out of curiosity, he turned his head around to look at the screen, taking a few steps backwards.

 _'Agent Jay the incredibly handsome & humble at last stood face to face with the evil demon, black as Cole. Knowing this was it. Nothing would stop him from saving the beauteous Princess Nya and slay this foul beast. "You have caused enough pain and sorrow in these realms. Release the princess at once or-"'_

"Jay what the flip are you doing? Also you spelt- oh. very clever Jay. I'm sure Cole would love this." Kai tried his best not to spit out his coffee at the sight of this... he didn't even know. Jay jumped out of his seat hiding the screen from view, blushing like mad. "Oh-I errrr... you weren't supposed to see that..."

"I'm SURE Cole & Nya would love to see this..." Kai smirked evilly.

"You wouldn't..."

"He would." Zane said casually as he walked past both of them.

"Zane's right." Kai stated smoothly.

Jay, knowing where this was going, sighed. "What do you want?"

"To make a few improvements to this... fanfiction..."

"HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF WRITING A-A FANFICTION! THIS IS A HIGHLY SOPHISTICATED NOVEL FEATURING PEOPLE I KNOW PUT INTO STRANGE SITUATIONS... ONE OF THEM BEING ME!"

"Fanfiction." Kai took another sip of coffee before pushing Jay out of the way and sitting down at the desk. "gimme that."

After a long session of writing... and many protests from Jay... Kai smiled with satisfaction. "There. Try this."

 _'Agent Jay, battered and beaten had finally arrived at the demon's imposing castle. in the depths of the frozen wastelands. The only thing that had kept him going on through his long journey had been the thought of his one true love, Princess Nya... and of course his best friend Captain Kai smith dragging him half the way.'_

"What?! that wasn't there before! Why are you in it now?! ANd how come you're making me look like a wimp?!" Jay complained.

"Just shut up and read it."

 _' "This is it Kai... the moment everything's been leading up to. We defeat Garmadon, The kingdom's saved... and of course I get the girl." Jay said smugly, running his fingers through his hair. Kai rolled his eyes in disgust, "Let's just go in there and get this over with. I've got a ship to run and treasure to dig up." Jay nodded, drawing his trusty plasma cannon out of it's holster as Kai drew his pistol and dagger._

 _"let's do this." They pushed open the doors and dashed into the chamber where a creature as black as night sat upon his golden throne looking at his sharp, blood red claws. "You took your time." He said in a voice like thunder. Garmadon yawned and stretched before getting up from his throne. "Okay then, do your worst. Not that it'll hurt."_

 _Jay and Kai charged at the beast with battle cries that shook the very roots of the castle. Garmadon swatted Jay away with ease while Kai dodged the attacks gracefully, giving Garmadon a much more difficult battle than he had bargained for. It was a long and epic battle that took many hours, before Kai smirked at the tired beast. "What's the matter? Too fast for you?" Garmadon growled and swiped at the pirate, knocking him to the other side of the room. He was cornered._

 _And now the smirk belonged to Garmadon. "Too powerful for you?" He advanced on the helpless pirate, who could do nothing but try to keep conscious through the pain. His eyes met the eyes of his partner, whom throughout the battle had recovered and was making some modifications to the plasma cannon. He nodded at Kai and raised the cannon so that it pointed at Garmadon's back._

 _"I win... pirate." He sneered. Kai only laughed. "think again. NOW JAY!" And before Garmadon could respond, he was hit squarely in the back by the plasma cannon._

 _"NOO!" He cried with a final glare at the two, "I'll be back, and when I am-"_

 _Jay looked at kai, who was now standing next to him. "Did you hear something captain?"_

 _"Nope, I don't think so Jay." And he flicked a switch on the cannon sending it into full power. Garmadon fell to his knees and roared as he began to fracture and finally explode. And that was the end of that tale. Of course, Jay did rescue Nya and they fell for each other while Kai returned to his adventures at sea. But no matter what, they vowed to never forget their adventure and if ever the need arose, they would once again join forces to defeat whatever evil lurked._

 _The End._

 _Of this tale...'_

"Well?" Kai asked as Jay stared at the screen, a look of pure and utter shock on his face.

"you made me look like a wimp again... But I defeated the demon... and got the girl." His face cracked into a grin. "Damn Kai, you're really good at this. Now budge up." He shoved Kai off of the chair and sat down there himself while Kai just watched.

"What are you doing?"

"Posting this online of course!"

"wait-"

Jay looked around at him as he clicked the final button. "What?"

"that was just the ending..."

"Oh... Damn."


	2. Request: AwesomeDisneyWolfChild

**When a ninja gets ill**

Lloyd sneezed. Then he sneezed again. and again. He was freezing! and at the same time burning up. Which can only mean one thing...

"Lloyd?" Kai said, tearing his eyes from the video game console to look around at his friend in green, "you alright?"

"Yeah, just uh... just..." he snuffled, "ah... ah little bit cold... ACHOO!" He sneezed loudly, causing everyone to look around at him. He gave a sheepish smile. "sorry..." He didn't want to admit he was ill. That would mean if they were needed, he would have to stay behind. on the bounty. With Sensei. Who would probably confine him to his room and deny him any time out of bed.

Which, would be alright, if you have video games or comics or something to entertain you... But, after his father stole the Bounty, he lost almost all his stuff (snakes huh? probably looking for a ham sandwich or something). And now that he was older, though not exactly by choice, it felt strange entering a comic book store, stranger then when Fritz Donnegon was stranded on dlrow 75B (it's pronounced dell-row 75B. I think). And that was strange. So he'd be stuck with nothing to do for 24 or so hours while everyone else would come and go as they pleased.

"Maybe we should turn the heating up?" Cole suggested, showing concern for Lloyd.

"Yeah, it is kind of cold." Jay added, "I'll go do it." He paused the game and put down his controller, before walking out. Everyone dismissed Lloyd's fever as just being cold... Except Zane, who had a vast amount of knowledge, accessible anytime he needed it. And he recognised that his green friend wasn't feeling to great. Usually, he would say something, but knowing Lloyd, and the look he gave Zane, the nindroid kept his mouth shut. Not without regret.

So Lloyd thought he was off the hook. And hoped with all his might that the alarm did not go off. Otherwise he doubted it would end well. So, by the laws of unluckiness, the alarm went off. Lloyd groaned, "seriously?!" he muttered.

"Serpentine spotted in Jamanakai village." Nya's voice rang over the speakers. Everyone jumped up immediately and ran to the deck, preparing to go overboard and get to the village. Lloyd was beginning to feel worse and worse. But he still refused to say anything, although even he was regretting his decision. When they finally reached the village and lowered the anchor Lloyd finally decided to do something. A bit too late.

"hey... guys? I umm kinda, sorta-" He didn't get to finish his sentence as Jay grabbed his arm and yelled, "come on!"

Things didn't end too great for Lloyd to say the least. Yes, they did deal with the serpentine...but, Lloyd was confined to his room afterwards. for several hours. And Lloyd was definitely bored out of his mind. Probably best if he had just said, Kai & Jay had a load of comics stashed away somewhere.


	3. Request: The Night Ninja

**Rated M for mediocre**

Jay was on the computer. He wasn't writing anything this time (thank god) but instead, he was looking at other people's fanfictions about him and his friends. That was his first mistake. His second, reading them. And his third...

Looking at the wrong ones. Because everyone knows that there are a few fanfics that not everyone wants to see.

"Ha!" He grinned to himself after he found the filter and began to play about with it. After a while, he found a button labelled 'rating' so, he clicked it. "K, K+, T... M?" Now, because Jay understood so little about this website, he immediately assumed that 'M' meant mediocre. "Mediocre huh? Well, constructive criticism always helps."

"Don't do that." Zane warned him as he randomly walked past the ninja of lightning. Jay ignored the nindroid's VERY, VERY wise advise.

After a while, he came across quite a few for Zane. And he looked at that, because reasons. And man, did he regret it.

"okay then," he said scrolling down the page as he scanned the text, "not to-" and he screamed, a high pitched, shrill scream that you would never believe would've came from anyone over three. Because. He. Had found. The scary part, the bit where it really does become M-rated. "DEAR GOD WHAT IS THIS?!" He screamed.

He just couldn't tear his eyes away, no matter how hard he tried, "Help! Help! I've found the dark side of the net!" Which caught the attention of two certain ninjas who had a bet on this. Grinning at each other, Cole & Kai dashed out of the lounge and over to Jay.

"what's up?" Kai said casually, as he peered over the horrified Jay's shoulder to the computer screen, "HA! I told you he'd find it on fanfiction!" Kai grinned at a disappointed Cole, "you owe me ten bucks!"

"Aww..." Cole sighed, rummaging about in his pocket, "but Youtube's way worse." He handed Kai the note as Kai did a little victory dance. neither of them were paying much attention to Jay, whose eye was twitching like mad. Poor Jay, he's probably just scarred himself for life. Let's hope he never finds a fanfic like that about him.


	4. Request: Artimes' Thorns

**Having a bad day?**

Nya was awoken by several high pitched screams coming from the others (Nya heard them through the amazingly thin walls or something).

"WHAT'S HAPPENED?!" Nya cried bursting through the door to the ninjas bedroom, "AND WHY IS SENSEI STILL ON HIS 'TRIP'?!"

* * *

Sensei lay casually, relaxing on a deckchair in some remote and peaceful beach, enjoying the peace and quiet that he lacked when with his students. He was so glad that he came, besides, what could go wrong while he was away?

* * *

Nya was just staring at everyone and everyone stared at her, before Zane said something, "hey Nya." It was Jay's voice, coming from Zane. He quickly covered his mouth, wide eyed, "I-I can see me... why can I see me?"

"Zane what's wrong?" 'Jay' asked, it sounded a lot like...

"Cole?"

"yeah, obvious-" 'Jay' looked at his hands and screamed, "OH MY GOD I'M JAY!"

"AND I'M ZANE!"

'Cole' stood there, looking perplexed, "That would mean I am in Cole's body. So, this would mean that Both Kai & Nya are fine. But the real question is, how did this happen?"

Nya sighed, pressing her head against the door, "please tell me this is a joke?"

"You wish." It was Kai's voice, but no one could see him. Despite the group taking a lot of time trying to find him.

"Kai?" Jay asked, "are you invisible?" There was a sigh.

"If only..."

"What's-" Zane was interrupted by kai clearing his throat.

"Down here." The group looked down to see that Kai had shrunk and he was a child again. this sight was all to good for the ninjas & Nya as they all burst out laughing.

"This is amazing!" Cole laughed, "you're a little kid!"

"Look who's the little sibling now." Nya smiled, walking over to Kai. He backed away.

"Go away."

"aww, don't be a crybaby Kai, it's not so bad."

"YES IT IS!" Kai snapped, "I'M A LITTLE KID AGAIN! I CAN'T BE A KID AGAIN! NO ONE LISTENS TO ME!" He stamped his foot angrily, causing everyone to burst into another fit of laughter.

"He's so cute like that!"

"Does wittle baby Kai want his dummy?"

Kai growled and stormed out, which would've been a serious thing, was he not a good few inches shorter than normal, so it just looked utterly adorable.

They found Kai in the study which (for some odd reason) Sensei had left unlocked, convienient though. He was reading several books on magical teas and cures to weird spells. He spent a good ten minutes staring at them until he yawned and sank onto the table, asleep. Which if you don't mind me saying, was friggin' adorable.

Cole gently removed the book Kai was reading from under the youngster's arms, before wiping off some drool, "gross!"

"Hey! don't get that all over my clothes!" Jay yelled at his friend. Zane & Nya sighed, as Zane stealthily took the book off Cole and began to flick through the pages with Nya peering over his shoulder in the centre of the chaos.

"FOUND IT!" Zane cried, pointing at a paragraph in the book, startling the others and waking Kai up, who began to cry. Zane winced & lowered his voice, "there's a potions shop at the edge of Jamanakai, it should have an antidote for whatever happened to us."

"Great!" Nya grinned, "but what about Kai?" She looked over at her 'older' brother who was bawling his eyes out.

"good point. I'm sure he'll calm down soon. after that I suggest we head over to the shop." Zane closed the book with a snap.

"Nice work Cole!"

"It's Zane." the former nindroid said in a deadpan tone.

"sorry, hard to get used to." Nya replied awkwardly.

"you have no idea..."

* * *

So, the group of teens and the *squints* I'd say 7 year old made their way to the edge of Jamanakai village from the flying ship of theirs. which was quite a strange sight for the unlucky townsfolk (where everything bad always happens to them first. Go on, test the theory. come back if I'm wrong) who see the ninja on a regular basis as the ninjas seemed completely different to usual, with the one in white and the one in blue bickering incessantly, the red one much shorter than normal and the one in black as well as Nya looked very tired and annoyed.

So, of course, there's always one idiot, and this one thought this was the beginning of a relationship between the two, and so CONYA was born. but no one cares about that guy for now. They're not important. And they probably never will be. background characters have no relevance to the plot. *ahem*

"are we there yet?"

"no."

"are we there yet?!"

"NO."

"ARE WE THERE YET?!"

"KAI WILL YOU SHUT UP! JUST BECAUSE JAY STARTS WHINING DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN TOO!"

Kai whimpered and shut up.

Eventually the odd company reached a rather run down looking place at the edge of town.

"well," Cole started, "this looks promising."

"Just shut up and go in." said an irritated Nya who was sick of all the crud that the day had thrown at her. So she pushed them all in. The inside, despite not being lavishly furnished, was covered in potions bottles of every colour, size and shape. And at the end of the room there was a desk with a bell on it. So, Kai being a seven year old, he ran up to it and started repeatedly dinging it. and boy was that annoying.

"Third shelf up, two across." A voice spoke from nowhere, I know what's happened, just take it, free of charge and get that kid away from the bell!"

Jay shrugged and picked the potion off of the shelf, It was a greyish purple and glowed softly, every so often fizzing and bubbling. "Is there a catch?"

"Cause property damage and I'll kick your asses." seemed fair I guess.

So, they drank the potion. and things went straight to hell. Granted, they did get their rightful bodies back and Kai did become a teen again but that was short lived. Because... there were side effects. And said side effects were, the consumer's personality would be replaced with one that was it's exact opposite. Which wasn't good. Especially as Zane became a hyperactive madman. and everyone was trashing the place.

Nya stood in the midst of it and sighed.

"that'll be twelve hundred dollars." the voice spoke again. Nya sighed even deeper and started rooting about in her pockets for money. She was having a bad day.


	5. Kai's resignation

**Formal resignation (from Kai)**

"..."

"...?"

"..."

"damn it Kai, you have to write something!" Jay yelled at his friend, "The fans are getting impatient!"

"Shut up." Mumbled the overworked red ninja, who was just about awake at the computer, trying to come up with something to appease the readers.

"Kai~" Jay moaned, rolling his eyes.

"Jay~" Kai moaned back, "I can't do this anymore." He slammed down his coffee mug.

"Just one more chapter... please?" Jay pouted, giving Kai puppy dog eyes. The red ninja sighed, before looking at his blue friend, a mixture of hatred and annoyance on his face.

"Fine. But I get to post it and you can do nothing about it understand?"

Jay nodded, relieved that the better writer of the two would do some more work.

It took the red ninja a lot of effort, but after about an hour, he was finally finished and had uploaded the piece. "done." he said.

Jay eagerly pushed his friend out of the seat in order for him to look at it. Kai stood up, smiling to himself and began to back away as the lightning ninja read:

 _ **'Dear fans**_

 _ **I have been overworked by my friend to satisfy your impatience and will for me to update everything so frequently, but I am afraid this is the end. I no longer find this fun and the stories that I write are uninteresting, contrived by someone else and full of plot holes. I am sorry to you all that it had to end like this... but it was now or never. goodbye.**_

 _ **-Fiyaah5204 (Kai Smith, Ninja of fire)'**_

Jay stared at the screen dumbstruck. he had just lost his best and only writer. He turned around to look at Kai, but he was already gone.

"That son of a..."

Oh Jay, will you ever learn? you over work the one good writer that would go along with your demands.


	6. Request: Princess Bunny

**So~ I haven't updated anything in forever. I have no excuse except that I kind of... sort of... burnt my arm on an iron on Thursday. ( don't ask me why I was doing the ironing in the first place) so I might as well do something right? But I'm not dead. I swear. I just have my exams this week and have been stressing like mad. Sorry.**

 **the fangirls**

"RUN!" Kai screeched as he and the others sprinted away from the encroaching horde of fangirls chasing them around the mall.

"Nawww..." Jay sighed, ducking to the left as a fangirl threw herself at his legs, "never would have guessed that."

Kai rolled his eyes, considering whether or not to trip over his blue clad companion.

"In there!" Lloyd said quickly, pointing towards a quickly approaching door, "they won't be able to get in there! it locks from the inside!"

"locks ain't gonna save us now buddy!" Cole replied.

"It appears this would be the safest place to seek refuge..." Zane pointed out.

"okay then..."

The five boys turned sharply left, pressing their backs to the wall as the fangirls overtook them.

"phew..."

"we don't have much time before they realise we're not there!" Lloyd exclaimed, pulling open the door. The ninjas quickly ducked inside the room.

"it's dark in here..." Jay complained.

"quiet!" Cole hissed angrily, "how about some light hothead?"

Kai's hand ignited, illuminating the room with a pale yellow light. As soon as they saw what lay before them, Jay wished he had kept his mouth shut. there, huddled before them, were a large group of girls, staring at the ninjas as if looking at gods.

"It's them!" One whispered excitedly. Another slapped them upside the head.

"of course you idiot. who else can set their hands on fire?"

"well-"

"shush."

The boys slowly retreated, trembling with fear at the fact they had seemingly walked into their demise. The lock clicked behind them.

"fuuuu-"

"GET 'EM!" A familiar fangirl screeched, pointing at the ninjas, a crazed look in her glinting eyes.

"why did it have to be her..."

The girls swarmed the poor elementals... and they say, that to this very day... you can still hear the poor boys screams...


	7. Request: Nurse Medusa

**This one's not gonna be funny like usual, because the request centred around a less 'funny' concept. but I think from now on it'd be a good idea to tell me what genre you want the one-shot to be otherwise I'm just gonna play it for humour.**

 **Blue ninja, Red eye, Black heart. (requested by Nurse Medusa)**

The four teens stood in silence, partly out of shock, partly terror. they had just about managed to rescue the inventor from Borg tower alive... but suddenly, they wished they had just left him there to die.

"what did you do to him...?" Nya's voice wasn't even a whisper. She glared at Cyrus with tears threatening to spill down her face.

The wheelchair bound inventor bit his lip, wishing he could just disappear from existence. He had made a terrible mistake. He thought... it could just buy them more time... keep them both alive just a fraction longer... but... maybe it would have just been better if he hadn't spoke at all. "I just didn't want them to kill him..."

"What. did. you. do?" Kai hissed at the inventor, bubbling with rage, "what did you do to Jay?"

"I didn't mean to-"

"TELL US!" The red ninja screeched, pulling back a punch meant for Cyrus. Cole grabbed his arm and glowered at his brother.

"Punching him won't do you any favours..." the earth ninja's voice shook. he looked at Cyrus like he was some foul creature, "tell us. otherwise I _will_ let Kai hurt you..."

The inventor flinched, then looked down at his lap, "I-I suggested that perhaps they could... use an-an... experimental project... I didn't think it would work!" he stammered, "I- I honestly didn't..."

"what experimental project might this be?" Zane asked. Neither his face nor his voice betrayed any emotion. he was just blank, emotionless... what could he think?

"It was an implant... I was going to use it for a new android model I was working on... but... they were going to kill Jay!" Cyrus squeaked, "I couldn't let that happen! I was scared! I panicked..." he trailed off, "i didn't think..."

"What did the implant do?" Cole questioned him, disgust creeping over his face.

"It was supposed to enhance intelligence and supress emotions..."

"WHY DID YOU THINK THAT WAS GOING TO BE ANY BETTER?!" Kai yelled, "BECAUSE HAVING SOME USELESS MACHINE EMBEDDED IN YOUR SKULL IS FAR BETTER THAN ANYTHING ELSE!"

"it was never meant to be implanted in organic matter!" Cyrus retaliated, visibly shaking, "but that made it far worse..."

"How?"

"they..." Cyrus shut his eyes tightly, hoping that it might save him from the looks of pain he would find before him otherwise, "they... turned him into... one of them..."

He could hear Nya's wracked breaths, Kai's heavy breathing. Zane's sharp intake of breath... Cole's... Cole's nothing.

The inventor looked up, eyes beginning to water. Nya was sobbing into the black ninja's shoulder as he cautiously... hesitantly pulled her into an embrace.

"this is all my fault..." Nya choked, clinging tighter to Cole, "I should never have looked at that wretched device..."

"no... it's not your fault..." Cole replied, trying to calm Nya down, "it's mine... I-I didn't even understand what was happening... I should have just left you two alone..."

The remaining ninjas didn't make any further sounds. they just couldn't find the power to do anything... how could this even happen? it couldn't... they couldn't even begin to comprehend... Jay had been... turned into a nindroid... first Sensei... now Jay... the team was falling apart. they could all sense it.

then... a sound that filled them with more dread than anything else in the world. Glitchy, synthesised breathing echoed around the corner, accompanied by clanking.

The ninjas flinched, before turning around to face the source of the noise. Their hearts dropped like stones.

The nindroid tilted it's head, a few light brown strands of hair groping for air stuck out underneath the hood and it's red eyes flashed. It charged at the group, letting out a series of mechanical clicks and whirrs.

"Jay?"

"not anymore..."


End file.
